Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Destiny, here this moment

Is it Destiny that I am sitting here blogging? I think so. I think that there are many things I have been destined to do. I believe this with my whole heart. I do not think that God will put you through something that you cannot handle if you turn to him and just ask for his guidance. Sometimes I believe he leads us to this point so that we remember to keep him in our lives.

There are many things that leads us to where we are. There are good choices, bad choices, and those choices we have chosen to ignore. There are things that happen that we played no role in choosing.

Yes, I have three children. I chose to have three children. I cannot choose for them how and why my children do the things that they do. I cannot help how they were born. I can help and guide them in their paths of life. My destiny is to provide them with a nurturing, caring home while trying to teach and enable them to lead good worth while lives. While raising my children I must remember my Destiny.

I am married to a wonderful man. He is probably the greatest thing that has happened to me besides my children. I vowed to always love and "honor" my husband almost 12 years ago. It was destiny. We actually met one day before I was actually divorced from my ex-husband while I was visiting my mother at her place of work. Years later, after my divorce that took around 10 months to complete, while walking into a karaoke bar and trying to obtain a seat, there he was. At no time during my stay there and not until a couple weeks later, while talking with my mom about him, did I find out that I met him before. Destiny. Destiny that I had no choice in meeting him again, but Destiny that I could make was the decision to be with him and raise his children and stand beside his side.

I find that destiny can leave you with a child with Asperger, very bright, sometimes very diligent, sometimes very stubborn. At first you hate this destiny, you have to live with it in your eyes and within your life every single day. You cry when your destiny first hits you smack dab in the face the very first time you recieve your child's diagnosis- and again after the 2nd diagnosis and even after the 7th diagnosis. It's a destiny that sometimes you think back and think to yourself "what if I would have done this", or "What if I would have done that?". But then remember God does not put you through something that you cannot handle without his help. Living within the realm of this destiny, you learn to improvise, to take the situation and look for ways to accept it, but yet to see what you can do to make things better. Better for you, your child, your family. Reality is that once you recieved this news, you actually go through the emotions- Denial, shock, relief of an actual diagnosis that gives you insight as to how many problems you have had, and also the acceptance. I can tell you that if I had it all to do again, I would not change 1 thing about my dear Aspie child. My destiny has brought this to me, willingly or unwillingly, and we are doing what we feel best to work with God to bring us through it.

Destiny still gives us other situations: How to raise a child with Asperger's, while still raising 2 not on the spectrum. We are not a family who has children knocking on our doors to spend the night very often. Sometimes we feel like we are the oddball family who stays to ourselves. Sometimes I feel starved for friendships for my children who can actually understand what our Destiny has brought to our family or for that matter don't really care and able to accept us for who we are. I have to look my Destiny into it's face everyday, with the eager knowledge that I have to accept it for what it is, live with it, ask god for guidance, take it for what it's worth, ask God for encouragement, and live for the moment, seize the day.

Destiny can make us bigger, stronger, more beautiful than that I have never been. Live the day's ahead like you have no tomorrow. Use today like you have no tomorrow. Live out your Destiny.


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