Thursday, February 12, 2009

Life at this moment

I know I am not the only person faced with this dilemma. As you may knowI have three kids, 11, 9, and 6. For many years I have let my children run my life. I have really not "worked" since the 9 year old was born. I have done jobs that I could do with the kids. While this still remains true, I find myself needing to have a job. I have lost who I am, what I am to myself, and most importantly I seem to have lost what I used to know that I liked. I find that I have a need to become my own person, while realizing the kiddos will not be ruined in the process. I believe my kids need me to go back to work so that I can show them my values. I believe that it may actually teach them to be more self serving, and that they will have to help out around the house. I also take them to work with me when DH is working and they get to see how I, their mother can help make things happen. They may be focused on their Nintendo games at that time, but I really don't feel like I am hurting their little minds.

I have been working on projects that right now need my full attention. Yes, I will admit that I have not had much time to actually keep up on the house, but like tonight, I had everyone pitching in to help. I have learned that I cannot do it all myself and also that if I want to teach my kids lifeskills they can use everyday, I have to have them pitch in.

Yes. I need to work. I am not only a laborer, I am a mother, a teacher, a friend, a nurse, taxi driver, cheerleader, and I am very mean at times (just ask my kids!). I am a house maid, laundry keeper, file keeper, manager, accountant and I could probably go on and on. But right now, I am me. For my sake, and for my children also, I need to find me. If I continue to stay living with my kids being my WHOLE life, I am not teaching them anything. They need to have a mother who is home and capable of assisting them, but they do not need someone who hates who she could beccome.

This has been a big learning experience for me. I have finally come to the realization that I need me. I need to learn who I am and learn to live life to it's fullest, one day at a time. I realize that I know more about my kids than I know about myself. I need to have a job so that I can know what my capabilities are, just as much as my kids know what they can do and not do. They are getting to the age that they need responsibility and I need them to take it on.

A special Thanks to Amber from for making my brand new tag name for the bottom of my blogs. Thanks Amber!! <> Go check out her site for some more wonderful words.

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