Thursday, July 28, 2011


Anxieties are pretty close to everywhere in my life with Aspergers. I go through anxiety because I feel like other parents look at me like I gave my son Aspergers, or why can't you control your kid better or how about the soft whispers from a parent whose kid is nothing but perfect - or even those whose aren't.

I don't participate in many organizations within the school systems. It's a really far stretch for me to get involved in 4H or even with the softball things. I always feel like people are looking down upon me. Steven has his own ways of doing things, getting what he wants, and even though he looks like a typical 14 year old, he is still very immature for his age.

People around him that talk to him and actually treat him like a human being get to see Steven for who he is. He is actually very fascinating and full of facts and information that could knock your socks off.

He is loud, sometimes to the point of embarrassing, and sometimes he will just melt down and start screaming for no reason at all - at least that's what you think until you actually get him calmed down and talk with him over what the underlying cause is. Sometimes he will surprise us by walking up and actually discussing things before a meltdown. The last is our goal and we hope that soon it will be completely this.

Steven loves to try to play with others. Sometimes it is easier to play with those who are younger than he is. He is insistent on focusing on cars, tracks, calculators, math, and star wars. He gets lonely and begs to have friends that he can play with. He does well with other parents and teachers as well.

He shows Holland Lops for fair and I am truly amazed at how the groups we have belonged to and currently in handle Steven and his situation, and he really has not shown his true colors with the new group. I am eager to see how he does this year at fair with his Black Otter Lop, Pidgey.

Sometimes I view my son as a picture in picture TV. While he himself is the larger picture, we are the ones in the smaller picture and he tends to drown us out.

Even though my son has grown up quite a bit - not only socially and emotionally but he is almost as tall as I am and I don't think any of his pants are going to fit him for school this year. In my eyes he still 2-3 years behind socially and emotionally however I know will come with the more specialized training from the new school.

My wish right now is that he would be able to get along with everyone. My two daughters who are 12 and 9 feels somewhat compelled to get angry with him because he is different than they are. It probably does not help that he is the only boy out of 4 too. I wish they would understand how special their brother really is and learn how to adapt to how he is.

I have anxieties about every part of my sons life. Now I need to figure out how to deal with them and help my son grow up to be the man he one day will be.

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