Thursday, September 22, 2011

Rantings of a mother of Special Needs.

It's been coming. A nice big rant. Yup. I just cannot hold these feelings in anymore. Yes, I have a child with Asperger's. I am tired of people looking at me funky just because he is having a melt down in the store because I won't buy him something or because he is not getting his way. Trust me, it's not because he is spoiled. It's not because I am a bad parent. He has Asperger's. Educate yourself on it sometime. Really. Oh and it is not a contagious disease.

Yes. My 14 month old daughter is not walking on her own. Yup. I see that too. I am not blind to all of the things you are criticizing me about. I totally see it, and even though you think I am a lazy, non competent mother and that I need to start picking up the slack that you see I am not doing walk a day in my shoes will you? Yeah, she's cruising. Yeah she is standing on her own. Yup, she's taken a step or two. But don't criticize me because I am not forcing my kid to do what **I** and **YOU** think she should be doing and when she should be doing it. She will walk when she feels like it. All I can do is keep on working with her on it.

I don't think people really understand that my life is full. Nope I don't work outside of the home. Yup I may sit on my ass all day, or so you think? I fight with insurance companies, I organize the schedules, I **try** to keep up on housework, I started canning, I make my own laundry soap, I meet with professionals to discuss and work with my kids. I also educate myself. I help others with situations like mine where they are having issues. I have to keep a schedule that is tight. I have 4 kids with different needs. I have them all doing things that they like to do. My daughter is in ball and currently playing 4 games at least on the weekends and practice twice a week. She comes home from playing and practicing so hard that she's often times bruised. She loves it though and plays her little heart out! It's good for her in so many ways. There's 4H. There is play time with friends in the neighborhood if they get chores and homework done. There is Honor's Choir. Possibly other school activities.

I deal with tantrums often times more than once a day and usually it involves more than one child. I deal with a strict routine here at home. I deal with a shit load of paperwork. Do you know how many three ring binders I have filled with documentation? How about all of the self help books? I know there are way too many to count! How about parenting programs?

How about thinking twice before criticizing me for my and my kids actions.

Do you live your life for your kids, trying to fit into your schedule time to take care of yourself? Are you involved in your kids lives and make sure you discipline them? Even though my son has an "ability" to be the way he is, do you think I am happy with how he acts sometimes? Hell no! I had to make some of the hardest decisions to make sure that he grows up and and matures to the best of his ability. Some people will not agree with what I have had to decide. Oh well. I had to do what I felt was best to do. All I want to do is raise my kids to the best of my ability so that they are good worthwhile adults helping to contribute to society. I want them to choose a profession that they like and get something out of. I want to make sure they are getting the help that they need.

Walk in my shoes any?

All we parents who are dealing with these situations want is for you to understand that sometimes kids are not cookie cutter kids. We are all different. what works for your child may not work for ours. When we sometimes seem mean rude and cruel, sometimes we find that our kids won't respond to sweet and nice all of the time. Don't stare at us. Don't get pissed off and walk away. Don't make comments about what my kid just said or did. Oh and while you are at it why don't you teach your own kids to respect and not ridicule another child because they don't understand the circumstance.

I hear all of the time too that "these things are normal".. Okay, sometimes we have so much craziness going on that even when a doctor asks if there is anything out of normal you look at him with a stupid look on your face and ask what "is" normal?". Because I am really starting to doubt there is a "normal".

My 2 older girls have a problem dealing with some of the things Steven does. Hell, sometimes I even have a problem understanding why he does what he does. Sometimes I cry because I have had many people tell me that "I did this to him" and that "they just don't see it" - for those people I want to know if you are with him 24/7. Do you get the phone calls from the schools? Do you get the phone calls from the doctor on a Sunday and have a 2 hour conversation with the pediatrician who is explaining to you that this is what your child has? Have you been to so many doctors who have also confirmed the diagnosis? Do you have to set up medications once a week that only **help** with the symptoms? Do you sometimes have to run down to the store before a certain day to make sure that you can pick them up at 11:00 at night to make sure that the kid can be managed by teachers and school? Do you know where your 24 hour pharmacies in the area are? Do you have their number on speed dial? Oh and do you have to worry about if and what other kids are giving your kids that could mess them up with the medication they are already on? I mean yeah, it's bad for a typical kid not medicated, but could you imagine a kid with problems already whether or not they are medicated?

Have you walked in our shoes yet?

I once was one of those parents who would stand there and think "that kid is out of control and that parent needs to do something about it". Yeah. Been there, done that. I think god wanted my eyes opened to a new way of thinking. Well, he's gotten my attention.

I love and want ALL of my kids. All four. Oh well if you think I should not have had them. Get over it. I don't ask for your sympathy. I don't ask for your support. Only you have to answer to yourself on how you feel about it. But don't be voicing your opinion to me on how to handle it if you have not been there. I am positive I am not the only special needs parent who feels the same way.

I do ask that you don't pass judgement unless you have been in my shoes.

Jumping off my soapbox now.

If you made it this far thanks for actually continuing to read.

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