Monday, August 23, 2010

Emotional decisions effect everyone

This weekend was difficult. Difficult indeed.

There are things that you face, some every day, some once a week, some monthly, well... I think you get even some once in a lifetime. Some of those decisions are for you, your family, and even if you make the wrong decisions you live with what you make. Some of these decisions can be heartbreaking or even the highlight of your life.

Some decisions you can take information from every expert that you can seek information from; but only you can make the decision. It may not be a decision that another person would make- but no one should be able to judge because they have not been where that person is at the time the decision is made.

This weekend I have been faced with a lot of decision making.

There are also things that come where you cannot make something change; you are forced to live with what happens and cannot change what they are. My challenges are not one of those you may be faced with and that you may or may not agree with but they are not your decisions to make.

I have given up on some of the dreams that I once thought I would be able to do - I have given up on the mere thought of nursing my child.

I had a glimmer of hope of Friday but after this weekend I clearly see that it. is. over. I have given her the best of what I can and that was 6 weeks more than some children get. I have tried; I have been overwhelmed with Milk sensitivity, I have been frustrated because it was so difficult to make this decision. I have felt guilt for not trying harder. I feel like a failure in so many ways. I feel like I have let my little Gracie down as I have let myself down.

I think there were too many problems and concerns that effected my decision. I also saw that 1 day without nursing Gracie has led to a child that is more easier to deal with and that there was something in my diet that was effecting her to cause her more pain to deal with than the possibility of what good nursing could do for her.

I have been quiet on my blog while I have had to deal with poor little Gracie and the special diet that I was forced into just for her.

Just because it's right for one does not mean that another can do it. I need to be at peace just knowing that I tried. I gave her 6 weeks worth that no one can ever take away from her.

I pray that it has been beneficial to her and that it helps her through out her life.


Kim said...

Tina, I've been reading your blog since a little bit before Gracie was born. Don't be hard on yourself. Sometimes it just doesn't work out to nurse. I tried with my first and only made it 2 weeks. I cried, she cried and we were both miserable. I just was not made to be able to nurse. It was sad for me at first but when I saw she was thriving and doing well on formula I knew that was the "right thing" for us. I didn't even attempt it with my twin boys. Your love and nurturing is what she needs to bond with you. This doesn't take away the type of mother you are. Feel good that you have made the decision that is right for you all.
Hugs, Kim

Tammy W said...

honey, Just be grateful you hve little Gracie. I could not nurse two of mine children. One due to medical reasons and surgery and onother due to cancer and chemo and radiation. Be grateful you have your health and are living in an era where there are alternatives for breastmilk (which doe not consist of another mother nursing your child).

I know you are very grateful for her. she is a very special blessing and lifes little hiccups just come and go.

Love and hugs woman!!!!