In a family of 6, there is always seeming to be some kind of argument going on. With having an Asperger Son; it seems like there is even more arguing and fighting going on. Some days I just feel like going to my room, closing the door and letting them fight it out. It's not helping their situation though.
God has determined that I could handle 4 children, or he would not have given me 4 children. It's either that or he has a really crazy sense of humor. They are all different and they all need parenting styles for the four different children that they are. Steven who will be going on 14; has the maturity of that of a 7 year old. Katelyn who is 12; seems to have a higher maturity of a child who is older than 12. Brianna I can say is probably right on target with the maturity of a nine-year old. Gracie, well Gracie is just doing fine and dandy as the baby at one.
I often times have to choose my battles. It depends on what my battle of the minute is. Whether it is who won't play with who, who is eating what, who wants what for dinner, who is getting into what, well, the list goes on and on.
But a reality check came into play today. Steven needs to be held to a higher standard than what he is. Unfortunately there is no way around it. With me not holding him to a higher standard it is creating a whole new battle in the home front.
This is a revelation that I have known all along, but just did not want to totally face it head on. I have dealt with his antics long way long enough. If I want the family to calm down things need to happen.
For instance, yesterday was such a challenging day for me. No one wanted to help out around the house. Everyone has a set of chores to do on a 3 week rotation basis. When Gracie gets older, it will become a 4 week rotation. I heard Steven yelling and screaming at me for 3 hours that he was bored while I was doing what I **absolutely** needed to get done with cleaning the house. I refused to give in; that is until he came up with a manipulation around it.
He ended up having to 7 year olds come over, one bringing a WII game to play in which I allowed a 1/2 hour on the WII for. After agreeing to this I was angry with myself because this was just another way for him to get what he wanted... More time on electronics. I started hating myself and feeling over-bullied by my own 14 year old son. It's not that I don't care for the kids that were here, it's the fact that we just went through 3 hours of hearing that he was bored (while **I** am cleaning the house for the 6 of us alone) and for him to bring over his friends (after I told him no friends over because I was in the middle of cleaning a destroyed house earlier) after it was cleaned up and he finally found a way for him to get his payload... the WII. My other concern; and once again I want to emphasize that I have no problems with the boys that came over, is that these boys are SEVEN. My son is almost FOURTEEN. How is he supposed to raise his maturity level if he is hanging around seven year olds?
He is a master at pulling the wool over my eyes too. he will say things like "Mom, how am I supposed to make friends if you don't let people over?" or "Mom, how can I show you I am responsible enough if you won't let me try?" but in all honesty, I have given him chances to prove this time and time again and he will not be able to. Yesterday for instance, I was very clear with my instructions, that he could go out and play in the front yard and at the ball court but that is IT. The next thing I know he was at three different neighbors houses and not following my direction.
I have a serious problem with those who treat and bribe their kids to do what needs to be done. I am myself trying to get away from it. If I allow him to get away with things, what am I teaching him? I am certainly not teaching him to become the mature teenager that he needs to become. I am not holding him to the standard that he needs to have implemented in his brain.
Just because ASPERGER is what he is titled with does not mean that he can just get what he wants all the time. He needs to learn how to live also, not just how to do what he wants to do. These are life skills we are talking about and he needs life skills. People sometimes look at me funky because of the way I talk to him, but I can't sugar coat my words to him or just don't get it. I have to become as strong as a wooden board for him to actually learn simple life skills.
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